Author: Megumi Ogata
Source: Neon Genesis Evangelion Volume 2
Translated by: William Flanagan and David Ury
Dated: December 13, 1995
I have just finished reading the script for Episode 18 ("Choice of Lives").
My whole body's aching. It is as if my heart has swollen up, and expanded into my throat.
But that's usually what happens every time I rea a new script for Evangelion.
At first, for a while, I don't feel like doing anything. I feel empty, void of strength and exhausted. And then I finally switch into LCL mode. The depths of my lungs fill with the scent of blood. I feel oddly warm, gentle, nostalgic, desperate, and lonely...
I get into the fetal position and fall asleep.
The first time I encountered Shinji's character, I thought he was so sensitive. He's not very main-character-esque, but he's simple and has a face... when I first met Sadamoto, I was surprised how much he fit my image of Shinji. When I giggled, he gave me a look like "What's so funny?" (Remember that, Sadamoto?) His expression looked so much like Shinji's that I got even happier, and started to laugh out loud.
I'm really sorry about that Sadamoto.
It's the same with you Anno. when I'm talking to the director, you would think it would be different. But I can see Shinji peeking out from the shadow of his beard. When I go to touch him, thinking, "Ah--Hey, Shinji" he suddenly changes into Misato. And the next thing I know, he's turned into Shinji's--into my father. Staring at him is really fun. And it's rude. Heh-heh.
It goes without saying that the personalities and ingenious creative talent of those two gave birth to this work. The characters and world of Neon Genesis Evangelion are breathing inside of them.
I truely respect these two creators--and they are people who overflow with charm.
I see Shinji in the mirror. It's too difficult and painful to look him in the eye, so I find myself looking down. I mumble "Don't run away, don't run away, don't run away...!"
Then I slowly make my way towards the studio.
Today's job is post-production. It's almost like hitting a ball around with the other actors.
The "ball" comes at me from various angles and directions. Sometimes I'm cautious, and sometimes I'm vulnerable, and it's my job to return the ball according to how I feel at that time.
The more experienced actors handle the ball with an adaptability that I love. The less experienced actors return the ball with a nice straightforward hit. The rest of the staff returns the ball in strict fashion but it leaves a bright echo behind.
As you all know, each of them are top-class, and so good they cause shivers to run down your spine.
And as for me, it takes everything I have just to hit the ball back. But I am proud and happy to be where I am today.
Right now, it's as if I'm playing the role of a wall.
But at some point, I'd like to--along with Shinji--become a real player. That's what I'm thinking today, as I head towards the studio.
Please watch over me until this game is over.
Your support is what keeps me going.
On behalf of the world of Evangelion and of the two Shinjis, I want to say I will be very happy if I can touch the Shinji Ikari that is hidden inside of everybody.
So we can all grow up together.
Thank you to the creators and to everbody.